Tuesday, December 13, 2011

How to Get Silence in Your Church

We've all been there: you enter into your church, take a deep breath of the palpable sanctity of the place, and sit down to pray... right beside a conglomerate of gossiping, conversationalists (what I'm terming a person that carries on a conversation). While I'm sure you "offer it up to the L-rd," every once in a while you can't help but get angry as their whispers rise into a small roar.

Well, I'm tired of it. Not of the occasional whisper (we've all done that), but of the entire conversation that some people have as others (like me) are trying to carry on our own conversation (with G-d).

I've got a plan to slowly motivate silence and cease the excessive and distracting noise.

So first an observation, then the plan:

Observation: People will talk and talk unless there is something around them that's stopping them. It's similar to Newton's First Law of Motion: an object in motion will remain in motion unless acted upon by an external force.

This means that those groups sitting in the pews that won't quite down and won't stop talking will continue to do so until you (or another external body) does something to stop them.

So here's the battle plan:

Find that group that talks the most and the loudest. When you find them, sit in the pew directly behind them. Put the kneeler down, and pray!

But don't pray silently... pray aloud. If they can talk to each other loudly, then why can't you pray aloud? Take your Liturgy of the Hours, a lengthy novena, or a Catholic prayer book and just start praying out loud... right behind them... continuously until either A) Mass begins or B) they stop their conversation.

There's no reason to distract other people with your praying. Just be loud enough that those conversationalists in front of you can hear you. If they get louder, you get louder. If they get quieter, you get quieter.

Maybe I'm just trying to cause problems, or maybe I'm just being mean. But if it's okay for them to talk out loud, why isn't it okay for me to pray out loud?

What ideas do you have for inspiring silence in your church?

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